Is There Hope for The Separated Marriage?


“My husband left. He wants a divorce” These familiar and heartbreaking words break my heart each time a person comes to me, describing what is happening in their marriage when their spouse wants out.
Their pain and desperation is palpable. I know some hard days lie ahead for them, but I also know there is hope if they can reign in their pain and choose the right path. Now that I’ve worked with those who are separated for so many years, I’ve seen God’s miraculous grace rescue marriage after marriage and bring back together those who are separated. So, yes, there is hope for the separated marriage.
How do you find hope for the separated marriage?
If you are in that place, it’s important to step back from your painful circumstances and take a fresh look at your relationship. If you have become separated, something in the marriage is broken. Just as an electrician needs to analyze an electrical system that has broken down in order to fix it, so too when a marriage breaks down, it’s important to locate the parts that are not working.
The process begins by giving space to a partner who is distancing himself and enlisting the aid of the Only One who has the full perspective, and that is our Creator God. As our Creator, God knows each of us inside and out. He knows me and you, and He knows our partners. He knows what needs to change for the relationship to work. When we seek God’s Omniscient perspective and look to Him for the answers, we can begin to take steps toward healing. A separation is messy and complicated. There are no simple answers. But there ARE answers. There are wrong paths we can travel and good ones to choose.
First Steps to Take
Giving space to the one who has left is the first step if you want to find hope for the separated marriage. Chasing after your spouse and forcing them to come up with answers to your questions only pushes them further away and will prolong the process. But giving space allows your partner to sort out the confusion spiraling through his or her head. Because of your pain, this is not an easy prescription, but it’s necessary in order to turn things around.
As you give space to your partner, you need to find healing and a place of safety for yourself. Proverbs 18:10 tells us, “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.” You are on a journey that will carry you over some rocky, barren places, and you need strength to make it through the rough terrain. As you run into the safety of God’s grace, you will find healing and hope. He can take care of your breaking heart. In his loving arms, you will find hope for the separated marriage that has taken place as He helps to soften the bitterness and pain so you can take the second step. For as you receive God’s grace, He will ask you in turn to offer grace to the one who is hurting you.
This means speaking positive words to your spouse, which is your next move as you seek to find hope for the separated marriage. Easing the tensions between you and your spouse by using positive words will provide a bridge over which the two of you can begin to tip toe as you take first steps back toward one another to explore new possibilities in your search for hope.
There is no straight, quick, and easy path to reconciliation, but as you traverse this labyrinth of confusion and pain, the road may bring unexpected healing and happiness as your eyes are opened to new realities. God brings “beauty from ashes, and the oil of joy in place of mourning” when we allow Him to guide us along this difficult journey to find hope for the separated marriage we want to see reconciled.
Next week: Reconciling a Separated marriage
If you want to fight for your marriage, Fighting for Your Marriage while Separated by Linda W. Rooks will give you the practical help you need to guide you through the complexities and confusion of a separation. Reconciliation is possible–even if you’re fighting for your marriage alone.